In November, I married the man who catalyzed my spiritual awakening and activated the creative life force that has brought my offerings to the world through my own healing. We call our 6.5 year journey “The Spiral Path” because of how the energy between us contracts in order to blast open, and then contracts and expands again.
All of those affected by this seeming cataclysmic love happening would attest to there being equal measure of suffering and harmony emergent in this process. Our irrepressible connection has reconfigured our families, former marriages, and unleashed an organizing force that has seemingly liberated all of us from too-small boxes we had placed ourselves in. Through this relationship, I am learning how to love myself, and to inspire love in others through my sharing.
My kundalini name is Adeshprem, which means “bringer of harmony”. My eldest daughter laughed when I told her that so many years ago, and said, “Mama, that’s not you…”. This video may be evidence to the contrary. Evidence that the mandala of perfection can emerge from the charnel ground of dissolution of all that was.
The commitment celebrated in this video is to love itself and the many many deaths that are required to allow it to exist in its most expanded form. A relationship like ours, a spiral path such as this, is evidence for the ways in which love must destroy all that stands in its way in order to claim its rightful position as the bedrock for being. Our love has systematically decimated my ego and all of my control-based reflexes striving toward emotional symbiosis as the only romantic safe haven. And I am getting better and better at recognizing the opportunity to choose love over the reflex to defend my rightness. There is great terror that precedes that choice, and great freedom that follows it.
Through our process of falling apart and upleveling, Sayer Ji and I have begun to touch upon what devotional love – a love predicated on an unwavering connection to the divine nature of the other – looks and feels like. It feels like allowing, permitting, and letting go of the need for the other to share the same reality in order to express and experience connection. It looks like openness and individuation. It looks like remembering that I never know better than Sayer does, what Sayer feels, believes, or understands.
This love, and the pain that has surfaced, the rage that has come from our sometimes differing perspectives in a deep sea of similitude, has required a community container to hold it intact. The community that we have manifested reflects to us that we can choose to feel the love that is already there, and to do the work of transforming our victim stories in service of ourselves, one another, and the collective. And when we do, the soul to soul gaze of humanized, heart-centered connection can literally render the impossible possible.
May this video awaken your birthright to the sacred joy that is on the other side of owning ourselves, transforming our traumas, and embracing the vulnerability that comes with truly feeling. It is because of lived experiences like this that I created Vital Life Project, knowing that communities of this vibration can indeed change the world.